Im more honest with my students

I found myself being more honest this week with my students than I am with my own friends or people in my life.

Its a realization that really struck me and I had to think about.

As a teacher, it is good that I am being honest with them. At least I am being honest with them and not making the world look better than it is.  But I have the feeling that really I am being more honest with them because I know it wont go anywhere. I know they wont hold me accountable or question me or challenge me.  I know they wont judge me or think Im silly. BUT they also wont encourage me or befriend me or keep me sane.

Yesterday I read a story to them about a kid who moved away and was really sad.  Then we discussed how moving away can be hard and people need time to adjust to new things. That they may not want to be friends right away but that you should keep trying because they might at some point. I challenged them to keep encouraging new people and if they are new to not feel sad for too long when you miss your friends from other places.

As I sent them off to recess, I had to stop and reflect about how much of what I was just saying was true for me. I think I needed to hear my speech more than they did! Transition is hard. Especially when so many things change at once. But I cant give up. And I cant blame others when I am feeling lonely.

These feelings lead me to my conversation today. We were talking about special people in our lives and stories that we could share about these special people. I decided to tell my students about my Gramps.  He passed away on Friday and it has made me very sad.  But what has made me more sad, I think, is that I had told 3 people about it. I needed to share these stories so I told them. But it felt so nice to talk about it that I realized I need to open up with people more. I need to be willing to share about me.

So that was my task this week. To share more of myself with the people that I am living life with, to reach out to people more.  It is not something that comes naturally for me, but it is something that makes me feel better, more connected, more alive. Sometimes it didnt go as I planned, I messed up my words, I overshared, or even worse those who I thought were trusted safe people went and shared my feelings with others, but all of that is life and I will be okay.  I just need to stop sheltering myself so much and allowing other people into my life too.  It will take time, it wont be easy, but it is a vital piece for my sanity, contentment, and joy in life and so it must be done!