Brave?

People kept telling me that I am brave.  I dont feel that way though.  I dont feel like I am doing anything special or out of the ordinary.  I am following the desires that have been laid on my heart.

But Im scared. Im alone. And sometimes its hard.

But that doesnt make me brave.  

Continuing my old life wasnt an option anymore.  Everything I once knew was being pulled out from under me, sure most things were my choice, but that doesnt make it easier.  Returning 'home', while may seem easier to most, would have been the hardest option for me.  It would have been sacrificing so much of me. It might have even broken me.  So here I am in Nigeria instead living the life I want. 

Starting your life completely over is a little bit terrifying and a lot a bit freeing. Having some constants definitely helps though, especially when its the important ones. 

Teaching is part of me. I could do it anywhere. When I talk about it, I get excited. When I walk into a classroom, I know what to do. So that is part of why I know I will be successful here. I know I can teach. I know I can be happy as long as I am doing that. And so far that is basically all I’m doing so I’m good. 

Living abroad is a constant. It is so nice to be with people who understand this lifestyle, who desire it, who have similar life experiences.  Just being around them helps makes this easier.  Already we have bonded in ways that some people dont get after years of working together.  

I told a few people this while 'home' this summer - for me, teaching is the easy part. Its living in Africa and finding new community that will be the challenge for me.  Africa will definitely take some getting use to but I have a feeling I am going to Love it.  Im also pretty sure I am going to find community here as I have already met some great people and cant wait to keep meeting people.  Even though I completely agree my initial thoughts, starting my life over right now gives me so much freedom.  I can be the person I want to be. I can do the things I want to do. There are no expectations. There are no previous understandings.  I can be me. AND its okay that I dont know exactly who that is or what that looks like.  Its freeing to know that no one else does either.  I can share what I want to share and leave out parts I dont. 

So even though I dont feel brave. Even though I am back at square one. Even though this is not how I pictured my life last year.  I am content.  I am certain this is where I am supposed to be for this time. I am certain that I will survive.